I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
