Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
