I am spending my child support on dildos
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
