Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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