he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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