Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's like iHOP with fire
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
is that a dick in a sweater?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
