my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
