I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
