i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
