i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
