Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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