Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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