I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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