the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
