My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
