So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize