Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
