i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
