I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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