So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
