if you like me you must not know who I am
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
