literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
