Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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