It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
