I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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