seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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