Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
