Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
