She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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