It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
