Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
