The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
