You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
