There was a lot of him and a little penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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