literally had 100 drinks last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
