guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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