areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
