if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just come out here and I will go home with you...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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