Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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