I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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