So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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