Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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