we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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