If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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