I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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