He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
