I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
