So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize