Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
