dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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