..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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