I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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