Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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