Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
