i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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