Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my liver is dry heaving
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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