That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
