I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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