READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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