I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
