if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
