all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
