The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
